Making sense of fraud shame: it’s never your fault

With advances in digital technology and AI, scams and fraud are on the rise. According to the Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre, as of October 31, 2024, there were 40,623 fraud reports processed and 28,634 fraud victims, with losses totalling $503 million.

A March 2024 survey by payment solutions provider Interac found that more than 91% of Canadians experienced digital fraud attempts in the six months leading up to the survey. Seven in 10 (69%) of respondents felt they could identify fraud, but only 36% found scam attempts easy to spot.

There is an unfortunate reality behind those numbers - the people who fell victim to fraud. They not only may have suffered significant financial losses and compromises to their identities, but being scammed takes an emotional toll as well. They often feel immense shame and guilt for what they see as “not knowing better.”

One victim’s shame

In September 2023, CBC published Miriam Edelson’s firsthand account of being scammed out of $7,500 of her hard-earned savings. Her headline? “I was the victim of a scam caller. I can’t believe I fell for it.”

And she opens her story with, “I never told anyone this story because of the shame I feel. Only my partner knows.”

One day, Edelson received a call from someone she didn’t know who seemed to know a lot about her. The scammer frightened her by telling her that criminals had stolen her Social Insurance Number (SIN), and her identity was compromised. He wouldn’t answer her repeated questions, instead urging her to deposit $1,500 in a Bitcoin machine at a convenience store. He also insisted that she tell no-one about what was happening.

Scared and confused, Edelson deposited the money. The scammer called again, asking for $6,000 more, promising a reimbursement and a new SIN that was going to be delivered to her home the next day. She made the deposit. Upon arriving home visibly shaken, she told her partner what had happened, and he helped her realize it was a scam. She was ashamed and felt a deep sense of betrayal.

Fraud can happen to anyone, at any time

Miriam Edelson realized that her shame and silence weren’t helping anyone, especially her. She finally decided to write about her experience because, “scams can happen to anyone at any time, and the shame one feels does nothing to stop the scam artists from winning.”

The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre agrees and urges anyone that has been a victim of a scam, fraud or cybercrime to report as soon as possible. Reporting is critical because:

• The information you provide could link a number of crimes together in Canada or abroad
• The information you provide could progress or complete an investigation
• Reports inform crime trends and allow for more accurate forecasting
• Reporting helps law enforcement, private and public sector and academia learn about the crimes and help with prevention and awareness.

Getting through the shame

If you have been a victim of fraud, remember you did nothing wrong. You’re not weak or gullible. The scammer is to blame. They committed the crime and victimized you.

It is important to process your feelings and work through them. Alberta-based Dochas Psychological Services offers several strategies for coping with the emotional toll a scam can take:

• Be compassionate with yourself: scammers are getting more and more sophisticated and are always coming up with newer and trickier ways to fool people and get what they’re after. They’re the bad actors, not you.
• Know you’re not alone: as of October 31, 2024, there have been more than 28,000 victims of fraud! Fraud is widespread and affects people from all walks of life.
• Accept your emotions: feeling shame, guilt, anger, sadness, loneliness? That’s all ok. Feel all those feelings. They are natural. Feeling them and identifying them are the first steps to healing and moving forward.
• Get support: reach out to family and friends and confide in safe people who understand and can support you in the ways you need.
• Take extra care of yourself: invest time and energy in what makes you feel good physically, emotionally and socially. If you’re struggling more than you feel you can handle on your own, seek out professional help.

It’s also important to know how to be a supportive person if someone shares their fraud experience with you.

• Show support without judgement: never ask questions including, “how could you fall for that?” or “how could you be so stupid?” That person is likely feeling deep shame, and those types of questions will only make it worse. Listen and express empathy and understanding.
• Communicate with compassion: stress to that person they weren’t at fault. We are all human and trusting is not a sign of weakness.
• Encourage them to take action: help research how they can report the fraud, suggest resources for emotional support and recommend trusted resources where they can gain knowledge and awareness about fraud, how to identify it and how to protect themselves in the future.

If you’ve experienced fraud, know you aren’t to blame. Shame is a natural first reaction. But shame leads to silence, which can lead to isolation and more shame. Have the courage to speak out because your experience can help someone else avoid being victimized. In our digital world with ever-increasing threats, we all have a part to play in educating, building knowledge and growing awareness. If we all work together and share our experiences, we can help to build safer and more productive digital lives for all of us.