Online grooming: recognizing the signs and keeping youth safe

It started with a friend request—innocent, and harmless. They chatted about their favorite games, exchanged jokes, and even shared intimate secrets. They were someone your child could trust with almost anything. But behind the screen was an online predator, grooming your child in hopes of exploiting their trust for sexual exploitation.

In an era where a connection is just a click away, keeping youth safe has become far more complex than a simple conversation about “stranger danger”. Online grooming and exploitation is a growing issue that far too many youth experience. Research conducted by Cybertip.ca reports that incidents of online luring increased by 815% in five years. Understanding the subtle signs of grooming and knowing how to respond can make all the difference between safety and tragedy. The first step to ensuring youth safety is being proactive and becoming informed.

So, what is online grooming?

Online grooming is the process where strangers gain the trust of youth in hopes of manipulating them into sexual exploitation. Online grooming is dependent on exploiting insecurities through providing reassurance. It can occur anywhere online but online predators will target spaces that youth frequent such as popular social media platforms and video games.

Once the predator has established a relationship with the child, they may coerce them into sending explicit photos and videos of themselves. Perpetrators will often then use these materials to blackmail the child into sending more explicit content or money. This form of exploitation is called sextortion.

How do you recognize online grooming?

Online grooming is difficult to recognize as perpetrators will introduce themselves as a trustworthy friend. As with most cyber crimes, there is no singular offender profile. There are, however, several telltale signs that a child is being lured or groomed, these can include:

• Excessive secrecy about online activity: Youth may become secretive about their online interactions, avoiding discussions about who they are talking to or what they are doing online.

• Receiving gifts or money: Groomers may send gifts, such as games, electronics, and even money, to gain trust and build a connection.

• Sudden changes in behaviour or mood: A child who is being groomed might show signs of distress, anxiety, or depression, especially after being online. Conversely, they may also seem unusually happy or excited after communicating with someone online.

Unfortunately, these signs are easy to confuse with events unrelated to online grooming. While you may not be able to accurately recognize the signs of online grooming, ensuring your child knows how to identify when someone may be attempting to lure them is just as valuable.

How to have the talk

It’s important to approach this topic as a conversation rather than a lecture about stranger danger. Telling a child to simply “not befriend anybody you don't know” or constantly monitoring their online activity are not entirely realistic approaches. Instead, try the following:

• Talk with them, not at them: Ask open-ended questions, and encourage your child to share their thoughts, concerns, and experiences. Empower them to think critically about their online interactions.

• Develop a list of red flags: Work with your child to create a list of “red flag” behaviours that an online friend should never exhibit. This can involve asking for personal information or pressuring them to keep secrets. You can also teach them to spot manipulative behaviours, like someone getting upset if they don’t reply right away.

• Get involved in their online circle: Show genuine curiosity and understanding about what they enjoy. Ask them about their favorite online activities, who they spend time with on these platforms, and the boundaries they set with these friends.

• Start with their perspective: Ask your child what they know about online grooming. This helps you gauge their current understanding and lets you correct any misconceptions they might have. It also helps you tailor the conversation to their level of knowledge and maturity.

• Circle back to key points: Reflect on the main ideas you want your child to remember from this conversation. Is it that online groomers always seem like friends? Or that grooming can occur on any platform. Clarifying these points will help foster a more productive dialogue.

By equipping youth with the appropriate knowledge, you help them build the confidence they need to avoid potential dangers and create a safer environment where they are supported and protected. Test your knowledge with this interactive quiz, and explore ProtectChildren.ca for additional resources.