Passionate fan or parasocial relationship? How to know the difference

Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour is set to roll into Canada in November, and the streets of Toronto will be swarmed with Swifties for six nights. They’ll be costumed in their favourite era and frantically trading friendship bracelets with song titles to stack on their arms.

Are you a Swiftie? What about one of Lady Gaga’s Little Monsters? Or maybe you’re part of the BTS ARMY? Do you follow any sports team or figure fanatically? What about YouTubers or Instagram influencers?

Most people are fans of some type of celebrity, whether it’s music, sports, cooking or digital. But some may be in parasocial relationships with these celebs. Are you? How do you know the difference?

Parasocial relationships defined

Global News in a May 2024 article defines parasocial relationships as, “a strong, one-sided, intimate connection with another person who doesn’t know they exist.” People typically form parasocial relationships with celebrities, but these types of relationships can also extend to fictional characters from a book, cartoon or game.

These types of relationships are quite common and not new. York University psychology professor Raymond Mar’s research focuses on how imagined experiences can affect someone’s real world perceptions.

He points to the 1940’s as a tipping point for parasocial relationships. Back then, people became connected to newscasters. They heard their voices of authority daily, which fostered a sense of closeness.

Obviously social media has accelerated and amplified the parasocial relationship phenomenon. We now have access to so much BTS – what skincare celebs are using, what they ate for breakfast, their kids’ birthday parties, their vacations, their down moments – that we feel like we know them. But in actuality of course, we don’t.

Healthy or unhealthy?

Parasocial relationships are typically harmless. They start with some sort of interaction or experience that inspires curiosity or a desire to learn more. My friend just played me this awesome song from this new artist. I watched a new TV show with a breakout star. I caught some of the game last night and this amazing player scored three goals.

Signs that fandom has morphed into a parasocial relationship can include:

• Checking social media incessantly to stay in the loop on every update
• Spending money to stay engaged and feed the relationship (concerts, merch, games or matches)
• Deep emotional investment (getting upset if another celeb disses your celeb or getting upset at your friends if they diss your celeb)
• Misinterpreting interactions as personal, meant for you or real friendship (a like on a post comment, reading a comment out loud on a live, autographing your t-shirt at a concert)

Parasocial relationships can be characterized as unhealthy or toxic if they:

• Lead to social isolation: when people prioritize time (usually alone, on a screen) with their celeb over time in the real world with friends and family.
• Exacerbate mental health struggles: people struggling with mental health issues will try to find solace in these relationships but can end up intensifying the challenges they struggle with.
• Create conflict: over protectiveness is a hallmark of parasocial relationships and can lead to an obsessive need to defend their celeb in an aggressive way.
• Hinder growth: a narrow focus on the celeb and the one-sided relationship can create obstacles in developing important relating skills and emotional awareness.

While some parasocial relationships can devolve into unhealthy patterns, forming parasocial relationships can also be positive in several ways:

• Connect with a like-minded community that shares your interests and experience a sense of belonging
• Inspire curiosity and foster a desire to learn
• Motivate social activism and help articulate values
• Have positive role models that mirror what you like about yourself or want to elevate in yourself
• Provide comfort and fun distraction during difficult times
• Express your identity in a safe space

Kids and parasocial relationships

Kids have a lot of access to celebrities, influencers, gaming and TV on apps and social media. It’s natural that they will be fans and maybe even develop some parasocial relationships too. What can you do to ensure that those parasocial relationships are healthy and productive?

• Check in often: gauge how much time kids are spending online and on social media, how they are spending their time and who they are following.
• Follow the same celebs: join the fan community your kids are part of, so you can see the content they are seeing. It’s a great way to monitor it and consistently engage kids in conversation about what they care about.
• Use real world examples: explain about the risks and rewards of parasocial relationships by using the celebs they love as examples, so they can relate.
• Make comparisons to real life: show the difference between interactions in one-sided parasocial relationships and interactions they may have with their friends. Ask about their feelings and perceptions in both situations.
• Balance screen time: being online does offer opportunities for social development in certain ways, but there needs to be a balance with real world interactions and engagement.

Parasocial relationships are fairly common and typically healthy. They have become even more prevalent in our digital world and social media landscape. How do you help kids learn about parasocial relationships and understand them? Consistent conversation and critical thinking are key. By helping kids identify and think critically about their own online experiences and resulting feelings and behaviours, you give kids the confidence to pursue their passions, follow their curiosity, learn about what they love and develop healthy relationships. To learn more about healthy online relationships, participate in this interactive quiz.